we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
