I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
