I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
