We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
