Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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