As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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