its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
