Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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