Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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