apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
