Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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