I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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