she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
