I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
