why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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