even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
