I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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