i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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