I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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