if i can run in heels then i can drive
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
How's work?
Spinning.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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