proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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