During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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