My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
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