We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
