I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
