You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
