I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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