Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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