His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
