idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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