i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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