capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
