4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
