She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
