Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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