why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
