he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
