If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
