So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
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