Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
