y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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