so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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