My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
