It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We just shotgunned beers for America
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
