we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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