jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The air was thick with penises
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
