i wish starbucks made bloody marys
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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