I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
