I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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