Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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