Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
