These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Randomize
